This will be my last public post on this blog as it will soon be made private. I have 7 followers, you guys, so I won't be missed here! I'll put more effort into my life and book blog, where I have a larger following, so support me at the1bookblog.blogspot.com!
My reflection for this past year is that it was quite bad. I've grown a lot and I've reflected on my actions quite a bit. I felt like I was a character in a bad film and that the real me was floating above, watching it all happen passively. I let myself down in that aspect. I didn't put true effort in many aspects of my life. After I got into a car accident in May, I was told I couldn't exercise vigorously as I'd been doing before. I lost my confidence and I wanted the world to just stop, and I wanted to live the same way in that moment for as long as I could. However, I think my entire family knew I needed some change. Thus, I transferred to Georgia Tech. It was way more challenging than my old institution and I wanted desperately to give it my best shot and do well. I took only a hand full of courses but instead of putting all my efforts into school, I tired myself out, convinced myself I needed rest and some sort of entertainment. I believed that hard work could be compromised and I knew the whole semester that I wasn't doing my best. Consequently, I performed poorly and knew 100% that the blame was on me. No matter how hard an ordeal is, it's important to never give up and give it your best. I lost sight of that in part due to a loss of confidence in myself. I was a transfer student, my body was tired from not exercising seriously since my accident, and more and more I felt my personality change so that I became isolated from people. I'm thankful to the couple of people that noticed and supported me. My study buddy Vivian tried her hardest to encourage me and I regret not being able to match her dedication to her classes. She did well thanks to her hard work and I hope to be just like that this next semester. I know my shortcomings this past year and I'll try my best to be a better person in general.
These reflections are in part inspired by someone I discovered quite recently. His name is Kim Heechul, a singer from a Korean band called Super Junior which has been around for over a decade. I saw myself in him and connected to his story. He's introverted but works so incredibly hard. His band had been going through a lot of criticism, his company (the company that creates and basically rules the bands they contract) were incredibly tough on the band, thus it was like a battle scene. The bandmates didn't want to fail because it would bring down the whole band. When Heechul got into a really bad car accident amidst all this criticism, he did his best. His leg was shattered and he needed five metal bars inserted to remedy the damage. He still danced through the pain and even bended the metal bars because he was pushing himself. In order to not faint during the band's live performances, he bit his tongue so hard it split and needed stitches. He couldn't speak for a week. It was similar when he was drafted in the Korean army (every male Korean in South Korea must serve for 2 years). When he first arrived, he pushed himself too far to the point where he needed to go to the infirmary for pain medications. This has really inspired me because I think I haven't held myself accountable to others. It's okay if I disappoint myself because I just have to deal with my own emotions. But to let others down is devastating. Therefore, my resolution this year is to hold myself to a higher standard as if other people's lives depended on it. Heechul got a lot of criticism for the way he was, sassy, sarcastic, looked like he didn't care etc... and I really relate to this. I'm sassy and sarcastic and living in the south where politeness is key (much like South Korea), this can be a fault. Despite this, Heechul never stopped trucking through the dirt and his success is earned.
I probably won't be placed in the same circumstances as Heechul ever, but I want to emulate his amazing personality and be someone respectable. I had another revelation this year: live your life. My best friend always said that and I thought it was just something funny he said when I asked him "Should I eat it because I'm really craving chocolate right now" or "I don't know if I should go bc I kind of want to but...." I wrote about this in a previous post and I thought this meant I could do whatever I wanted. Yet, this was making me unhappy. I was disappointed in myself for not doing what I should have done and instead giving into all the "guilty pleasures." I know now that I should be a balance of Heechul and myself. Working hard and succeeding will result in happiness because you'll know you've done your best, you'll have accomplishments, and because of this, you can enjoy yourself. I never realised how true it was until the end of 2016. This is why in 2017, I will not give up and I seriously will try my best at everything I do.
I feel like as a leader in my club, I haven't done anything at all. I barely know the names of my members. My goal is to become close with club members and make the AMSA Global Health Fair the best it's been since it's inception like, literally last year.
Another goal is to get straight As in my classes. I'll put 100% into my academics because doing poorly in school puts me back in confidence and life.
My final goal is to make true friends. 2016 was really a year where my friendships were put into crisis because I was failing myself, thus failing others. I hope that I'll meet people along the way that will become friends for life.
Here's a cover that Heechul sang a looooong time ago that I absolutely love. Skip to :25 ;)